


"Let's fcking do it"

by TaeminieAppa (Hyruliangold)



Category: SHINee
Genre: Established Relationship, Healthy Relationships, Hospitals, M/M, Panic Attacks, ride or die kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 03:17:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyruliangold/pseuds/TaeminieAppa
Summary: Who the hell is freaking out?Minho wondered, as he noticed himself hyperventilating and trying to refocus his sight. It wasn’t working. It wasn’t working. It wasn’t wor—who’s freaking out? Yeah, I am.-OR-Minho has either a phobia of hospitals, or anxiety.





	"Let's fcking do it"

**Author's Note:**

> posted first on aff.

_ “—must stay in, until he’s stable.” _

Minho often liked to describe himself – when asked, of course – as a very friendly guy, someone people could rely on if they needed to. He’d say he’s brave and strong, yet sensible to the pain and struggles of others. That’s how he’d describe himself.

His close friends though, they would describe him as someone courageous, and fearless, and extremely daring. 

But there’s different perspectives for those adjectives. A person can be fearless when taking a new job in a country that it’s far away from home, a person can be courageous when they must put up a front to comfort someone that is in pain, a person can be daring when it’s time to defend a victim in the face of injustice. While Minho’s personality applied for all these perspectives, he is also the type of courageous, the type of fearless, the type of daring that physically felt no urge to run away from imminent danger. He was a freak of thrill. He enjoyed extreme sports way too much, and it’s not that he felt no fear when faced with these kinds of things, it’s just that he is so _in control _of himself, that his answer to that dread is a green light, it is a _‘let’s fucking do it’._

And the day he and Taemin became an item (after so freaking long) made it, if that’s even possible, way worse (or better?) because the man was as fearless, as courageous and as daring as him. 

Think of something that makes you weak to the knees in panic, Minho has done it. Sky diving, bungee jumping, going on a sling shot, scuba diving, canyoning – you name it, he has done it and is possibly planning the next time he will do it again. It’s no help that his body is so athletic and healthy, that it allows him to be able to do these activities with the minimal fatigue possible. And the fact that Taemin is 110% into it and is often the one that comes up with the wildest ideas, makes their life even more thrilling.

Their friends do struggle, because they’re not danger freaks even though they do enjoy the thrill every now and then – but never like those two, never like Minho. It’s crazy to be invited to a squad date to base jump. A squad date. To go _base jumping._

_ (Jonghyun: get the fuck outta here with your extreme shit dude!) _

They might not join him all the time to his hair-raising activities, but they are happy that he has found that person that would jump off a cliff with him. Literally. They’ve probably already done it… five times. And it may or may not have been Taemin’s idea. 

All in all, Minho is fearless as fuck. And yet, he cannot set foot into a hospital. 

A _hospital._

And it pisses him off.

It was something he didn’t notice before, he couldn’t have, because he spent his childhood in good health therefore there was no need to reach for one in the first place. But in his teens, and now in his late twenties he has been quite a few times to a hospital – not being the ill one, but as a visitor and even the companion.

The first time it happened, he was around 16 or 17 years old. His brother caught a virus that was supposedly small, but it got out of control and he was hospitalized for a few days. When Minho went to visit him along with his parents, he almost passed out. Everyone, even himself, thought that he skipped dinner and that’s why he felt faint – no biggie – but it kept happening.

His grandmother fell ill, he went to visit – same thing. Visiting a cousin that recently gave birth – same thing. A friend got injured in a soccer match and he wants to visit – the same thing happens.

Minho just couldn’t be in a hospital. He remembers the last time it happened about a year ago. Jonghyun and Kibum had been in a car accident, and Jonghyun was the most injured out of the two, resulting in a hospitalization. He is his best friend; how could Minho _not _visit? 

But once he set foot into the darned building, his body just started feeling off. His head started to hurt and for some strange reason he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The lights became too bright, everything looked fuzzy and a bit distorted. Thank god Taemin was with him and just when they got off the elevator forced him to sit down, because he would’ve passed out if he didn’t. He’s sure of it. 

Taemin had enough of it, and honestly Minho did too, but Taemin was the one to do something about it. They were already in a hospital, and Taemin had no problem with asking for a doctor to check on Minho. Because, really, this wasn’t normal.

The doctor who checked on him had two answers: _you may have a phobia of hospitals, which is the worst-case scenario – or you have anxiety, and what you are experiencing are small anxiety attacks. _

Having a possible name for what he was having eased his worry, his thoughts of a deadly disease vanishing, but it still left him feeling strangely upset. How could he – someone that has literally jumped of off cliffs with nothing else but an elastic cord attached to his feet – be anxious of a building? It was just upsetting.

Even more now, that Taemin is the one hospitalized and what is he supposed to do? Wait outside?

“Min, call my mom. You don’t have to stay.” Taemin said, his hand moving to lay on his chest for the pain of just talking was strong.

Taemin has been fighting what seemed a ‘common cough’ for the past week and no cough medicine did the trick. He only got worse, and when it started becoming painful to just breathe, Minho said enough is enough and drove him to the place he hated the most. The ‘common cough’ ended up being pneumonia, and now Taemin wasn’t allowed to leave until it disappeared.

Yes, Minho feels like his soul is going to leave his body in any second, but he isn’t just going to leave Taemin like that. The heck.

“I’m staying.” Minho reiterated, not changing his mind no matter how much Taemin told him that he would be fine. Besides, there’s a chair for the companion, if he feels way too dizzy, he can just sit down and wait for it to get… less bad. 

“But Minhoo—” Taemin’s insistence was cut short by a coughing fit and a moan of pain that terrified Minho. Thank god Taemin wasn’t asthmatic or else his condition could’ve been way worse. 

Still with his face scrunched up in pain, he insisted. “Then go home and come back later. Bring my stuff, it’s cold as fuck in here.” To that, Minho couldn’t fight against because Taemin was indeed freezing and so was he, and the cold did no good to neither of them. So, with a quick kiss and an _I will be back_, he left.

“Yikes this place is cold.”

“I told you to bring your jacket.”

“I forgot.”

“No, you left it because you don’t like it.”

“Of course not—”

After going back home, taking a shower and getting his and Taemin’s stuff, Minho was back and Jinki and Jonghyun joined him. They have been bickering for the whole duration of the elevator ride, and while it was entertaining, Minho was close to hyperventilating. He closed his eyes, hoping it would go away – concentrating in not giving in to whatever his body was doing. His effort only lasted until they got to Taemin’s floor, and for the looks of it, Jinki and Jonghyun had already noticed. 

Jinki held his arm, steading him outside of the elevator once the door opened with a soft ‘ding’ and helped him sit down on the floor while Jonghyun grabbed his stuff. “Calm down, man. Don’t freak out.”

_ Who the hell is freaking out? _ Minho wondered, as he noticed himself hyperventilating and trying to refocus his sight. It wasn’t working. It wasn’t working. It wasn’t wor—_who’s freaking out? Yeah, I am. _

“You’re sitting down on the floor, I’m with you. You’re fine.”

Minho thought that this time it feels stronger, whatever this is. The colorful spots are blocking his vision, and his headache is just pounding away like a hammer against concrete. His chest feels weird, as if there’s nothing there. Yeah, this is bad.

It’s making sense to Minho now, what the doctor said. This is either a phobia or an anxiety attack. It can’t be a phobia because that’s just irrational – Minho is aware that he was going to enter a hospital and he didn’t refuse, so it cannot be a phobia. It could be anxiety, he is anxious with all the stuff that’s been going on – Taemin getting really sick, him knowing that he either has a phobia or not, him knowing that he wants to stay with Taemin but knows this will happen – all that shit stresses him out. So maybe it’s an anxiety attack.

“Jjong is with us too – _hi Ming_ – we are visiting Taem. You’re okay, buddy. You’re fine.”

It’s just _insane_, how could he be experiencing this? He is fearless. He is courageous and daring. He has done incredible things with absolute control of his body – of his feelings. Why can’t he control _this?_

_ What on Earth- _

“Breathe Minho. Taemin is waiting for you. You’re fine, we are with you and no one is looking at us weird, absolutely not.”

Slowly but surely, the dizziness wore off and his sight became better. The lights were still a bit too bright, and his headache stayed with him, but his breathing – although tired – came back to normal. When Minho opened his eyes, he realized he was sitting on the floor, like he remembers Jinki saying somewhere, he was holding his legs against his chest rather strongly and Jinki and Jonghyun were sitting next to him, one on his right and the other on his left.

His fuzzy mind thought that they looked like three bros in high school waiting in the hallway for the next class to start. 

“What the hell…”

“All good now?”

Minho took a deep breath and nodded, still feeling a little out of place. He thinks he heard Jonghyun say something, to let them know when they can stand up, but he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t ready yet.

“I fucking hate this.” After a few minutes, Minho kind of forgot that the other two were still with him and let those words slip. But honestly, he didn’t care anymore. They were his friends.

“We know.” Jonghyun reassured, uncrossing his legs and tapping the tips of his shoes together. “When it happens, try not to panic. You just have to ride it out.”

Jinki nodded. “Take it as a green light, as a _let’s fucking do it. _Like you always do.”

_ Yeah.  _ Minho thought. _That makes sense. _

“Back already?” Taemin groggily said. When he woke up from an unexpected but not unwelcome nap, Minho was already on the chair next to his bed, where his mom used to be. He wasn’t as cold anymore and when he looked down, he saw his favorite hoodie covering his upper body (it was Minho’s).

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?” Taemin asked. He knew Minho was forcing himself for him, and he wished he wouldn’t. Taemin has never had a panic attack before, but he is sure they’re no fun to experience – he doesn’t want Minho to be exposed to that just for him. Besides, he can stay alone in the hospital, it’s not that bad.

Minho pondered whether he should or shouldn’t tell him. But _be brave_ is what Jonghyun told him before leaving. So, he might as well. “I had one… when I got here.”

Taemin’s sleepy eyes widened. “On your own? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I wasn’t alone, Jonghyun and Jinki were with me. Kibum was here too with your mom, but you slept the whole time.” Minho laughed at that. Taemin was pretty drugged, but at least he was getting the sleep he didn’t get at home with all that coughing. “But I’m fine now. I think I will be.”

Taemin hummed, scratching the arm that had the IV. Minho stood up from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed, asking Taemin how he was instead. “It still hurts a lot, but I’ll be fine. So you can go home – I don’t want you to feel bad too.” Taemin insisted. He was aware of how Minho hated to not have control of his body like he is so used to. 

Minho took his hand and began reading all the tags on his wrist. “Nah, I will be fine. I promise. This is just a new thrilling adventure that I have to go through.”

Taemin’s brow furrowed for a second, before understanding Minho’s train of thought. There was a smile behind the oxygen mask. “But this one isn’t fun.”

“And you can’t go with me.” Minho added playfully.

Taemin gasped, and for the first time didn’t cough after. “Of course I’m going with you. I’ve been here all this time, silly.”

_ That’s true _ , Minho thinks. He really got lucky when he started dating Taemin. 

He leaned down and kissed him.

He is relatively new to this experience, and he doesn’t know much, doesn’t understand much. It is terrifying, because he has no control of what will happen, or when it will happen. But that’s how his thrilling activities are, that’s how all the extreme sports he has tried start. He is scared, he doesn’t understand it at first. But with the help of an instructor, he learns, and he grows. And as he grows, he can see his fear and face it.

Probably not now, but soon, he will be able to feel that fear and take it as a green light, as a _let’s fucking do it._ And he won’t be alone.

Taemin is 110% into it.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always appreciated


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